New Traditions: Breaking bread not Gratitude

Once upon a time, Thanksgiving meant showing up to Grandma’s house with your stretchy pants and a can of cranberries. You’d pass the rolls, argue about which sibling is getting the China, and everyone knew the their lines—even when it came to debating an issue.

These days? The guest list feels complicated. Some families aren’t speaking. Others would rather stay home than walk into another upheaval of viewpoints disguised as dinner. The world outside has crept into our dining rooms, and suddenly a holiday meant for gratitude feels more like tiptoeing across pumpkin pie.

We’re not just carving turkeys anymore — we’re carving out emotional space.

The Divided Table

In so many homes right now, the table itself has split. Maybe your parent’s politics has become cringeworthy. Maybe your aunt’s “just saying what she thinks” hits a nerve. Maybe someone you love hasn’t been invited this year — or maybe you’ve decided to sit this one out.

And while that hurts, it’s also honest. We’re living in an era of honesty — uncomfortable, overdue honesty. Families are redefining what togetherness and traditions looks like, and that’s not all bad. Sometimes, protecting peace is something to be grateful for.

Building New Traditions

Here’s the truth: gratitude doesn’t depend on everyone showing up at the same table. It can be shared in smaller spaces or even solo.

Here’s what that looks like in real life:

• Keep the door open, but the boundaries clear. You can love your family and still choose your own peace. A boundary isn’t rejection; it’s respect — for both sides. Set the precedence with the invitation.

• Find connection where it still exists. Holidays do not punctuate connection and love. I have always thought these things should be practiced at any time. You might have to reach out to certain family members on your own time and express gratitude in those moments.

• Start fresh rituals. I love new traditions. Establish some or build on others. Try going for a walk, create a playlist together, do a roundtable of drawn questions or simply pull from the gratitude jar and read them out loud. It’s hard to be divided upon common bonds.

• Let grace do the talking. No one wins a holiday argument. Sometimes silence and kindness are the best response you’ve got.

Gratitude in Solitude

For some, the only seat left this year is the one you set for yourself — and that’s okay. Light a candle. Make your favorite meal or treat yourself to a fabulous restaurant.

Gratitude doesn’t need an audience. It just needs a pause.

Allow the Space

Take time this season to reflect, to show understanding, and to be true to your heart. No amount of political upheaval or beliefs can sever the quiet threads of love that run beneath it all. They may stretch, they may tangle, but they rarely break.

So light the candle. Send the text. Say the prayer, or the thank you, or the I miss you. Let gratitude be the bridge where words cannot. Because even in divided times, a little grace goes a long way—and love, still shows up at the table.

The Pilgrimage to Tradition

The holidays are here and with that comes the legacy of ritual. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately in terms of what Covid has changed and the way we are in gathering spaces. Growing up, we rarely celebrated the holiday dinner at home, even though my mom was the Queen of cookery between households. The traditional holiday dinner in my family was spent at my Uncle Eddie and Aunt Elgene’s house in the country. With eight of their children along with 12 grandchildren, they didn’t need much to get the party started. By the time our family of four showed up, there was a kitchen counter, a large table, and three additional tables full of food and desserts ready to be gobbled up.

“Eat at a restaurant instead of making everything from scratch. I always thought I’d prefer to make it myself but it ends up becoming a big ball of stress for me!”

— Kate N.

“We put up our tree the second weekend in November.”

— Sara A.

The creep into the eve consisted of dancing cousins, horses indoors, and George Jones on the turntable. My brother and I remember our dad carrying us out of the backseat of Buick and to our beds if we didn’t win the insistent begging to stay the night.

“I open my doors to anyone I know (and some I don’t) who has no other place to go.”

— David B.

“We burn a yule log on the solstice, we said goodbye to xmas.”

— Jessie K.

As I got older with divorced parents, the holidays just became an obligation I was most apathetic about. I had rather been invited to a friend’s family home instead. Whilst in college, I opted to not come home to my my parents with new partners and then I got married. The tradition to visit one, two, three, and a fourth home for the holidays became a treacherous, but bittersweet ritual. His family, like the Walton’s, were easy to get along with and there was never a lack of good eats. I sometimes miss that former life where the table would seat 15-20 people and the din would be loud and full of life.

“Go on vacation for Thanksgiving with my spouse and forgo the family drama.”

— John H.

So, now we come to today. Mom is East, Dad is South, and Brother is West. My partner’s mom is in Canada, the rest of my family overseas as well. Doesn’t make for the warm gathering of holiday cheer does it? Now that I own my home, I finally get to have a say in annual customs! I thought I’d share for all you who grew up in traditions you may not have liked very much or that weren’t very efficient.

THE TREEDITIONAL DECORATIONS

My brother was allergic to pine growing up so we never could have a real tree. Every year we plan a family trip to a tree farm and spend the day picking and cutting our own while exploring a cute town. Consider the day you want to put up the tree or do decorations, but do it as a family and take an opportunity to get some memorable photos.

THANKSGIVING SUPPER

Make whatever you want. Who says you always have to make a turkey and a ham? I prefer a good steak or italian. I also prefer not to cook on Thanksgiving. Eating out has been pleasurable and so much less mess to clean up!

THE OPEN HOUSE

I love a holiday open house. People come and they go and they bring dishes and so forth. It’s less formal and more fun!

SWITCH HOUSES

Every year, draw for who gets to do the holiday meal and yes, you might have to fight with mom on this one.

Photo Source: Momfluential

SHARING GRATITUDE

Have everyone write down what they are thankful for and put them in a jar. When everyone is indulging in coffee and desert, pass the jar around and read off what you pull.

FLICKS

Every Christmas we watch Elf with cookies and cocoa and popcorn. It’s the best. Watching a holiday movie is more fun with a crowd.

GAMES

My family used to play Bourré after the holiday meal and I cherish those memories of watching them play. Games are a great way to have fun and engage everyone before they fall into the food coma.

HOLIDAY BRUNCH

I love the idea of brunch on Christmas rather than Christmas dinner when everyone is exhausted.

THE FAMILY THAT GIVES TOGETHER

A really great way to honor the holidays is to get a group of family and friends together and give back. Choose a non-profit you can volunteer at or host your own food drive.

BANNING AT THE TABLE

If there is a family member who is the constant friction in your holiday plans, cut them out. Seems harsh, but once they start to notice they aren’t invited to the table, then a real conversation begins. It’s too stressful having someone always being judgy and argumentative for the holidays. Those times are for calm and peace.

ADULT HOUR

Implement a cocktail/mocktail hour before dinner with nice music and company. Send the kids outside or somewhere else in the house and take an hour to ease your way to the holiday meal. As soon as we walk into the door, my mom wants to feed us. I always feel rushed, so in my house, we chill for a little bit while things are cooking and people are arriving.

HELP

Every holiday traditional meal should end with help to break down. Nothing is worse than having loads of dishes and clean up to do after spending hours in the kitchen. This is a good way to teach the kids some empathy!

SLEEP OVERS

I love this tradition of sleeping over the eve of or on the holidays. It’s cozy and fun and a great way for everyone to bond.

TRAVEL

I love traveling on the holidays! It has been my favorite tradition to implement. Book a trip solo or have a beach or mountain stay with the fam.

WISHLISTS

You could all sit and do your holiday wish lists together over hot chocolate and treats.

SANTA LETTERS

I love doing a custom Santa letter that gets “sent” by Santa himself.

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Whatever you decide to do for the holidays, make it as stress free as possible. Traditions don’t have to be exhausting or complicated. They don’t have to be conventional or boring either. Have fun with it and enjoy all that holidays are supposed to be—joyous, festive, and cozy.